Ma’s Touch

When writing the story of my grandma and her baking journey, I felt like I couldn’t do it justice — I was fairly young when she passed, and my memory is limited. However, her influence stays with me, and has driven my passion for home baking, starting from a young age. It’s rooted in my DNA. My memories only go as far as spotty recollections during my early years of baking when she’d come over to our house to teach me and my sister how to make an assortment of baked goodies — from strawberry shortcake to linzer cookies filled with raspberry jam to some other great American classics. But to tell her story from a different light, I turn to my Uncle Carlton, the second eldest of Helen Eng’s three children, who shares vivid memories of his mother’s cooking and baking during his childhood.

Helen was born in Victoria, BC, Canada where her interest in baking originated from her mother’s influence and the area’s deeply rooted British culture. She had fond memories of the English tea gatherings her mom would host in their home and she often reminisced about the tea sandwiches, crumpets, cream puffs, pies, cakes, cookies, and petit fours served after church every Sunday. For Helen, baking became a way to remember her mother by whenever she missed her and a fond activity that carried on throughout her life.

In the 1940s, she found herself moving to New York with her older sister, Rosie, in pursuit of an education in fashion and chase her dream of becoming a fashion/wedding dress designer. She was supremely creative in both her career and at-home hobbies, where she continued to cook and bake in her home kitchen. She prided herself in the love that these foods brought her family and her resourcefulness in finding ways to create beautiful creations with the things she had and could afford.

As a single mother supporting and raising her three children, she embodied what it meant to be a strong, independent female figure. In the 1950s and 60s, it seemed like so many odds were against her, especially facing discrimination as an Asian female, at that particular time. But she always found a way to stay positive in the midst of the chaos and support her family in the pursuit of raising her children with strong values. And although she was a full-time career woman juggling many tasks, she still managed to find the time to herself and bake during her weekends, which brought her much joy.

Carlton remembered his mom to be quite an accomplished cook and liked to think of her as the mastermind behind all her creations. She liked making comfort foods that brought joy to her family and provide what she could, when she could. He says that a lot of the things she made were inspired by recipes that she found in newspapers and magazines she’d browse through. He remembered her cutting them out as she flipped through and would save those clippings for later use in a tin box. He alluded to this sense of simplicity and how finding recipes back then were mostly through these types of publications rather than today’s plethora of options, from quick and easy Google searches done with the click of a button to a mass variety of published cookbooks. When she became comfortable making these recipes, she memorized a lot of them by heart and generally didn’t measure the ingredients she used, so it came out a little differently every time. Many of the times she’d challenge herself to change up the recipe to try to make it better. But he chuckles and says that many of the times it wasn’t actually better, and so she’d go back to the recipe as written.

Since she lived in Canada/US her whole life, much of what she made in the kitchen reflected her Canadian-American heritage more-so than her Chinese roots. Helen cooked her family’s dinner every night, but what she really became known for were the baked goods she made from scratch in her kitchen. Her creations ranged from an assortment of cookies to lemon meringue pie, banana bread, baked apples, coffee rings, cream puffs, and linzer cookies - that’s quite a mouthful! And it’s safe to say that she’s pretty much tried it all! Carlton recalls the coffee rings to be one of his favorites, and remembers her creations always came out better than the store-bought Entenmann’s, a company selling classic American baked goods since 1898. Her coffee ring was made from a twisted risen dough, shaped into a ring, and topped with ingredients like walnuts, cinnamon, pecans. His favorite memory was the smell of vanilla flavoring wafting through the air as it baked in the oven, as he recalls with a smile. He touches upon another favorite memory of his mom making cream puffs. Once the puffs were fresh out of the oven and cooling, she’d start whipping the heavy cream using her cherished Mixmaster Sunbeam electric beater (pictured below), a machine that she invested in and was technologically advanced for its time in the 1950s. He distinctly remembers patiently waiting - like a dog who sat waiting for the crumbs to fall - until she was done just to lick the whipped cream off the beaters.

He touches upon another strong memory, which were the treats he and his siblings received on their birthdays. She preferred to make her own cakes, proudly at that, rather than purchase it from the supermarket. To him, it was special, and it was usually a strawberry shortcake, filled with fresh whipped cream and topped with fresh strawberries. He also shares his memory of baked apples, which wasn’t particularly his favorite due to its mushy texture but was impressed how the apple skin held these apples covered in brown sugar, cinnamon, and raisins together. Other frequented bakes included cinnamon bread in a Bundt pan with a streusel white vanilla icing, banana nut bread, and heart-shaped linzer cookies filled with raspberry jam. 

Out of everything she made, she was most ‘famously’ known was her apple pie, which ultimately became a Thanksgiving and Christmas staple on the dessert table each year for her extended family to enjoy. Over the years, she worked on her craft as it was the product of an accumulation of many trials and errors until she got it to where she liked it. Making apple pie was mostly an independent pursuit for Helen, but Carlton fondly remembers the times he spent in the kitchen helping his mom peel and core the apples before placing them in the uncooked pie shell. She was mindful of the type of apples she would use, in terms of cost, availability, and the texture of the apples after they baked. At the time, apples such as Cortland, Rome, and McIntosh were the most readily available in New York and she stayed away from hard eating apples like Red Delicious.  

Helen showered her family with love through the things she baked over the years. And after Helen’s passing, Carlton took it upon himself to carry on his mother’s legacy by recreating her baked goods, one recipe at a time. From lemon meringue to apple pie, he’s baked up a storm in his home kitchen, first following the recipes he found in that tin box and then seeing how he could make it even better with fresh perspective. Coincidentally, he recently rediscovered Helen’s tin box containing those recipes on index cards tucked away and organized with tabs. He shares that it’s nice to have these tangible recipes in her handwriting to pass down and have the ability to digitalize them in this day in age. He says that he wants to keep these traditions alive simply because having these baked goods around takes him back to good times and flashbacks of his childhood. To him, there were so many happy thoughts associated with his mom’s cooking that he makes them in honor of his mom’s memory.

The one recipe that he consistently goes back to is her apple pie recipe, especially whipping it up around the holidays. He started off with humble beginnings, first mastering her written down recipe and afterwards made some of his own tests in the kitchen. And he believes he actually made it better! He shares that he’s learned a lot from the many trials and errors he’s made, but eventually found a way to make the bottom crispier. He shares his ‘trade secret’, which is to brush the bottom crust with a little melted butter and sprinkle a little panko, so it offers a crispy texture without an additional taste before putting in the apples. He says that he found that the butter creates a protective barrier so that when the apples cooks and release water, it won’t ruin that crisp nature of the crust. This just goes to show that you can still preserve the tradition of a recipe while making something your own and improving upon it for generations to come.

In an environment where money was tight and they were consistently ‘stretching the dollar’, for Helen, her homemade food represented much more than food that kept them from being hungry, rather it was a symbol of her love and commitment to her family. Reflecting back, Carlton admits that he didn’t realize her impact on his life until much later. And by the end of this conversation, there was a heightened sense of appreciation for all the lessons she’s taught them, even if they weren’t fully realized until later on. He touches upon the sacrifices she’s made to make their lives more enjoyable despite their challenges. And now, Carlton bakes alongside his brother and sister, Corwin and Joyce, and myself, all of whom have become inspired to recreate their mom’s baked goods, one recipe at a time and continue to pass these traditions for generations to come.